I still want to go to school

24 years old. At this age, my friends are busy with earning money and dating, preparing themselves for family life......At this age, people around me urge me to find a man and settle down.

I love money. Who doesn't? I love earning money, too.

On the other hand, I still love studying. I love to go back to school, to university. I love university, real universities, of course. I find studying meaningful and joyful.

That's why I will come back and earn a Ph.D.

So if anyone asks for my 5-year plan, that would be finding an university willing to fund my 4-year Ph.D programme, so I can make my dreams come true.

I need to start from scratch.

Updated news

Hey, it's me again. I'm so sorry for neglecting you for too long. Sometimes, I wanted to write about my new life here in England, yet was unable to put ideas into words. Or maybe it's just because I was too lazy >.<

I have to say that studying in England is difficult. Damn my business school, full of classes, coursework, and research. I'm still struggling with it every day.

My new life in here taught me many lessons, about people, relations, connection in life in both hard times and good times. Those lessons make me feel glad for coming halfway around the world to be here.

Hm....*please don't be surprised too much* I have a boyfriend now. He's a computer science student. Be affected by him, I've changed somehow. I don't know whether this relationship could survive or where it can lead to. Yet, I treasure every moment being with him. Well, you can call it young love :) ("Young love. Full of promise, full of hope, ignorant of reality." - Valentines' Day)

It's one day until Christmas, students have been back home or travelling; the library is almost empty of people; shops are closing earlier; streets are uncrowded. Christmas is coming to the Toon (the town), the cold wind blows stronger, leaving me a cold feeling in my heart. I guess I miss my Vietnam.

I chose to study abroad for many reasons. One of them is to improve myself, develop more skills, and change a little bit my personalities. In the end, Vietnam is the place I'll go back and get a job. I'm thinking about Saigon, the place to me - a girl from Haiphong, is quite similar to a new country.
I hope it would be a wise choice ;)

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everybody! May New Year bring to you opportunities to get what you want <3. I wish you happiness and success.

I graduated college today, what now?

Great news! I graduated college today! Congratulations to me, hehe.

So, that’s it. There will be no more hangovers, no more sleepovers, no more drinking parties. Jokes will become dull; parties annoying. Our youth cannot be regained. We are becoming adults. We go different ways, pursue different careers, live in different cities. There will be many years until the first reunion of our class.

My college is not a great one. In fact, it sucks. Almost everything I learned including knowledge, skills, and experiences came from classes outside college. My college doesn’t have career counselors or career orientation weeks to help its students discover their talents and choose the best careers possible. But, hey, what can you expect from a college of a third-world country, huh?

Bad or good, college days are finally over. Now, it is time to move on. I’m preparing for the next step: graduate school. Coming back to school after this summer, I hope that it will be the building step towards my career. So, Newcastle University, I am coming to you in September!!!!

Luật

Thời gian không bao giờ quay lại. Vì thế mà người ta luôn hướng về phía trước, nhìn về tương lai mà không thể trở về quá khứ.

Những người xunh quanh ta một ngày nào đó sẽ rời xa. Chính vì thế mà người cần được ta yêu thương nhiều nhất chính là bản thân mình.

It is hard to be an Aspie/Aspergian

In Aspie world, stress management, emotional development are some things we have to learn, to acquire as skills while many people inherit them naturally. We learn communication skills, interpersonal skills, and teamwork skills slowlier than others. We find out what are our abilities and interests later in life than other people. We feel awkwark, isolated, frustrated, helpless, inferior. We hardly find somebody to help us, to understand us, to like us.

As an Aspie, I cannot escape it. I cannot change the fact. I cannot wish to be anybody else. I am able to do 1 thing: adjusting my life to become more of myself.

I know all of them. Yet, sometimes, it is still so hard.

[In my country, Vietnam, most people don’t know and don’t care about mental health. In fact, if you tell people you have some mental problems, they will assume you as crazy and abnormal. Hardly anyone comes to see therapists; books on mental heath in Vietnamese language are very rare. Under the circumstance, I haven’t had any formal diagnosis. Asperger’s syndrome is the problem I self-diagnosed myself with the help of highly-recommended and trusted books of Tony Attwood, John Elder, and Willey. I only wish that one day, in the near future, Vietnamese people can consider therapy as normal and helpful in life, and many Aspergian could be formal diagnosed.]

Personality disorders

Late last night, while nonchalantly surfing the Internet, I bumped into websites providing free personality disorder tests. I took some of them, and guess what? I have personality disorders, Borderline, Schizotypal, and Avoidant. Knowing the fact makes me feel both relieving and upsetting.

At last, I finally can understand what have been wrong with me in the ways I’ve behaved, socialized, and thought for 15 years. Now, I can see who I am. And I can find ways to live better. Phew! What a relief. 

In the other hand, I feel upset. I don’t ask for personality disorders, ever. I can trade many things to have a normal life that a 22-year-old should have. I want to have stable emotion system, and close relationships. 

I want to have some words to people with personality disorders like me: It is ok. Although personality disorders make it difficult for us to be accepted by the society, they should not stop us from learning, growing, and connecting. So, keep living, don’t give up.

It is understandable that, sometimes, you wish those mental problems to disappear. Try to think it that way. Personality disorders give us chances to see the world differently and to experience different things. And they are completely ok.

It is hard for other people to accept us. 98% of the world population don't have personality disorders. Please be kind, open, and understanding to them.

To other people out there: Science researches show that childhood and adolescent traumas can lead to personality disorders. In my case, that is true. If, at times, I had found other ways to cope with traumas, or had somebody to ask for advices, my life would have been different. So, be kind to your friends, relatives, colleagues, and families, ok? Sometimes, you don't know what they are going through.  

Procrastination

I have been procrastinating doing homework for a while. *Feel so sad and guilty*

It is true that I have been busy around. This May is quite unexpected. By the end of April, I was preparing myself to take the first full-time job. Now, at the end of May, I am working on the biggest and most dangerous decision of my life.

Talking with my friends and acquaintances, I am getting used to see their shocked faces. Thinking about throwing a "surprise party" and announcing the news ;).

Slowly, my friends will go working and leave. I will be stuck in here for a next couple of months. Hope that it won't drive me crazy.

People advice me on patience, strong-mindedness, motivation, and confidence. I don't have any of them. I'm lazy, emotion-driven, weak, undisciplined.

Haizz, I unofficially graduate college by the end of this May. I guess that the time where I could be lazy, spontaneous, emotion-driven, and procrastinated is over.

Goodbye May 2013, the world. Congratulations to all college graduates this year! Hope you can get a job or a place at graduate school soon.