Goodbye summer
*Saturday afternoon. Sitting at my desk, in front of my laptop, with my real estate project opening.*
I usually keep fragrance in my bureau. So far, there are 4 different bottles : 3 from France and only 1 from Vietnam. The Vietnamese labelled fragrance is from Lacvert Essance which I bought by chance when unexpectedly passing by Essance collection corner at the supermarket near house. The name of Essance perfume reminds me of the season I have always been apathetic – summer.
Summer – the holiday season when you are highschool student or even college student. It is your free time,maybe 1 month or less , to do everything you like or simple don’t have to do anything you dislike. Honestly, I have never enjoyed summer, never truly enjoyed it. Not because I don’t have anything I want to do, but because I don’t have anything I really want to do. And that makes all the differences. When you have something you really want to do, everyday of your life is your summer time. You put all your energy to it, you give all your heart to it, you devote to it your time, you eat with it, sleep with it, live with it. I have never had that feelings, never ever had any projects, any plans, anything like that. I let every summer day passes without direction, without feelings, without thinkings.
I remember summer time when I was 13, my house got cabled and for the first time of my life, I can watch Starmovie and HBO. Even though, at that time, they don’t have Vietnamese subtitle at the bottom of the screen for any movie, I spent hours and hours watching them. That habit lasted for 2 more year when I finished secondary school at the age of 15. My highschool summer holidays were almost blank. I hardly remember anything of them, but some puzzles from times I went swimming with my friends. Highschool summer holidays gave me nothing but the gray feelings. I scared of it. My first summer holiday when I was no longer college freshman, I entered summer school. It left me memories with fresh morning practicing volleyball and the boiling studying rooms at school. The next summer holiday, this year summer holiday, I spent it with my parents. The only reason I chose to do it was that I wanted them to think my spirit was still with my house eventhough I was far away. I didn’t regret doing it, but again, it left me blank memories.
After entering college, I started using perfume.( I’d always wanted to use them before but I hesitated.) I use perfume whenever and wherever I want, attending class, going out, eating out,hanging out, or even going to bed. Apparently, perfume becomes the cosmestic I love most. I don’t have any money at the moment, so I collect perfume anytime and from anyone to which I’m allowed . From my parents and my accquaitances, I sometimes get the best fragrance in the world, including Chanel No.5 and Boss Intense. The Essance perfume is the first perfume bottle I bought by myself ( with my parents’ money, of course). I don’t like it. It’s simple the sum of chemical inferior ingredients. I occasionally use it, only when I feel like I want to be cheap-ass. Nevertheless, I keep the bottle, not because I want to keep it like a souvernir but I keep it like a cheap fragrance. And today it gives me the thoughts of my summer time, and above all : my life. So, cheap – ass can have its time, right ?
“Cool summer” – the name of it. I don’t want summer to be cool or fresh. I want summer to be hot and energetic. I want to become a desert camel walking under the sun. Sadly, I have never discovered , never found out what to put all my energy ,my time, my heart and my brain to. I don’t want to die before I see the light of summer sun.
Winter is coming. Summer passed. And I am heading toward the winter of my life.
