Luật

Thời gian không bao giờ quay lại. Vì thế mà người ta luôn hướng về phía trước, nhìn về tương lai mà không thể trở về quá khứ.

Những người xunh quanh ta một ngày nào đó sẽ rời xa. Chính vì thế mà người cần được ta yêu thương nhiều nhất chính là bản thân mình.

It is hard to be an Aspie/Aspergian

In Aspie world, stress management, emotional development are some things we have to learn, to acquire as skills while many people inherit them naturally. We learn communication skills, interpersonal skills, and teamwork skills slowlier than others. We find out what are our abilities and interests later in life than other people. We feel awkwark, isolated, frustrated, helpless, inferior. We hardly find somebody to help us, to understand us, to like us.

As an Aspie, I cannot escape it. I cannot change the fact. I cannot wish to be anybody else. I am able to do 1 thing: adjusting my life to become more of myself.

I know all of them. Yet, sometimes, it is still so hard.

[In my country, Vietnam, most people don’t know and don’t care about mental health. In fact, if you tell people you have some mental problems, they will assume you as crazy and abnormal. Hardly anyone comes to see therapists; books on mental heath in Vietnamese language are very rare. Under the circumstance, I haven’t had any formal diagnosis. Asperger’s syndrome is the problem I self-diagnosed myself with the help of highly-recommended and trusted books of Tony Attwood, John Elder, and Willey. I only wish that one day, in the near future, Vietnamese people can consider therapy as normal and helpful in life, and many Aspergian could be formal diagnosed.]

Personality disorders

Late last night, while nonchalantly surfing the Internet, I bumped into websites providing free personality disorder tests. I took some of them, and guess what? I have personality disorders, Borderline, Schizotypal, and Avoidant. Knowing the fact makes me feel both relieving and upsetting.

At last, I finally can understand what have been wrong with me in the ways I’ve behaved, socialized, and thought for 15 years. Now, I can see who I am. And I can find ways to live better. Phew! What a relief. 

In the other hand, I feel upset. I don’t ask for personality disorders, ever. I can trade many things to have a normal life that a 22-year-old should have. I want to have stable emotion system, and close relationships. 

I want to have some words to people with personality disorders like me: It is ok. Although personality disorders make it difficult for us to be accepted by the society, they should not stop us from learning, growing, and connecting. So, keep living, don’t give up.

It is understandable that, sometimes, you wish those mental problems to disappear. Try to think it that way. Personality disorders give us chances to see the world differently and to experience different things. And they are completely ok.

It is hard for other people to accept us. 98% of the world population don't have personality disorders. Please be kind, open, and understanding to them.

To other people out there: Science researches show that childhood and adolescent traumas can lead to personality disorders. In my case, that is true. If, at times, I had found other ways to cope with traumas, or had somebody to ask for advices, my life would have been different. So, be kind to your friends, relatives, colleagues, and families, ok? Sometimes, you don't know what they are going through.  

Procrastination

I have been procrastinating doing homework for a while. *Feel so sad and guilty*

It is true that I have been busy around. This May is quite unexpected. By the end of April, I was preparing myself to take the first full-time job. Now, at the end of May, I am working on the biggest and most dangerous decision of my life.

Talking with my friends and acquaintances, I am getting used to see their shocked faces. Thinking about throwing a "surprise party" and announcing the news ;).

Slowly, my friends will go working and leave. I will be stuck in here for a next couple of months. Hope that it won't drive me crazy.

People advice me on patience, strong-mindedness, motivation, and confidence. I don't have any of them. I'm lazy, emotion-driven, weak, undisciplined.

Haizz, I unofficially graduate college by the end of this May. I guess that the time where I could be lazy, spontaneous, emotion-driven, and procrastinated is over.

Goodbye May 2013, the world. Congratulations to all college graduates this year! Hope you can get a job or a place at graduate school soon. 

My crazy week is over

Last Sunday, I have made an important decision after 3 phone conversations. Then I spent the whole week running.

Life is unpredictable. 6 months ago, I couldn’t picture about what I am doing today. And today, I cannot imagine what I will be doing 6 months later, either. It seems like everything can change in 6 months.

I’ve just realized that even the closest people in my life cannot help me solve my problems. Parents, best friends, beloved relatives, teachers, acquaintances can give me their advices and guidance; yet they cannot make decisions for me. As I grow older, I understand the sayings of Buddha:

“No one saves us but ourselves

No one can and no one may

We ourselves must walk the path.”

So even if life is a combination of endless struggles, it's ok, keep walking. 

Bad habits need giving up before working full-time

 Graduating college means saying goodbye to terrible exams, crazy dreams, and precious moments. It also means that you are old enough to become a full-time worker. Entering the workforce means that you will have to prepare yourself mentally, emotionally, and physically. One of the things you ought to do is giving up unhealthy habits listed below: 

1. 1.     Drinking alcohol in any weekdays. Drinking wine and beer could lead to unwanted headaches, bad concentration, and reduced productivity. You don’t want that; your customers would not satisfied with that; your boss would definitely doesn’t demand that neither. But, of course, you can have a little fun on Saturday evening.
2. 2.     Getting up late. When you are in college, waking up at 9 am or 11 am is ok. Nobody blames you for not showing up at classes. However, when you are a full-time employee, the only morning you can wake up late is the Saturday/ Sunday morning. And don’t try to be absent from work.
3. 3.     Skipping meal. Instant noodles and junk foods cannot continue being your best friends. Instead, try to replace them with healthy meals. Leave your working table for 45 minutes, if you can, to eat outside. But don’t try going shopping during lunch time!
4. 4.     Skipping exercise. Your body needs stretch to cope with stress. Even when you are really busy, try to exercise 3 times a week. Running could be one of the best choices. It’s cheap, convenient, and undemanding.
5. 5.     Complaining. “My boss is mean,” “Life is not fair, at all,” “That woman is totally a bitch” are some thoughts you would be familiar with. Yes, it would be fine saying those. Nevertheless, complaining about your job and colleagues could not make the works done. Instead, trying to use your energy in developing skills and fulfilling the job could be a better choice.

So far, I have only come up with the list of 5 things you need to give up before entering the workforce. In the future, I will probably come back and update the post.

Taking the first full-time job worries me a lot. There are so many things I need to learn, so many problems to think, so many quarrels to calm down. It feels like I haven’t prepared well enough for the job.

However, when the opportunity comes, it would be stupid if I let it go, wouldn’t it?

Hello May 2013. May the Force be with you and me <3.

Don’t live for anybody else

“I will live for myself, not for anybody else.” That’s what my mother said to me on the telephone this morning. It costs her more than 20 years to realize that simple principle.

Since the day my mother got married, she had been trying her best to become a supporting wife, a loving mother, and a caring daughter-in-law. Bitterly, life never went smooth for her.

• Her only son died of cancer. Her only daughter leaves home for college.
• Her married life is cold and lonely. She never gets along with her in-laws.
• Her biological father died unexpectedly, without giving her a chance to say goodbye.

She cared a little about her career. She never built good habits for her own. For more than 20 years, she lived for people around her. I don’t know whether it is a huge sacrifice or a pure foolishness.

Now when her marriage is on the verge of break-up, I hope that she will get herself a little time to figure out what she truly wants to do.

From my mother's life story, I distill a simple lesson: Don't live for other people. Just don't. Your time is too short. In the blink of an eye, you are on the downside of your life. You don’t want to waste your precious time living the life you’ll regret, do you? 

Women don't know what they want. Men never know what they have. - Ronald Oliver.

(PS: I'm freaking out! I haven't received my Mr.thay's email reply for a couple of days. Oh God, please let him be healthy and well.)